


So Big/So Small

by Bmack7



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Cancer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sickfic, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25374256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bmack7/pseuds/Bmack7
Summary: Spencer's life is changed with three words, "You have cancer".  The team rallies around him but will it be enough to get him through the most difficult journey he's ever faced.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Comments: 61
Kudos: 232





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to a new story. This one is a lot different than my others. As a kid, I loved to read and my favorite author was a woman named Lurlene McDaniel. She wrote, what my family teasingly called, "Death of the Month" books. Her books were aimed at kids/pre-teens and talked about cancer, AIDS, and another terminal illnesses. They were always sad and I adored them. I also learned a lot reading them. This story is going to be a journey with Spencer Reid as he's diagnosed with cancer and his treatments. There will NOT be a character death, so don't panic too much, but I am going to torture poor Reid a little. 
> 
> I have done a lot of research but I am not a medical doctor. I have also embellished for story's sake. I know that what has been portrayed is not 100% accurate, but I did do research to have it be close to what happens. I have not had cancer. This is a work of fiction and should not be taken as medical advice or a description of what will actually happen during treatment.
> 
> This story actually took on a life of its own and sort of wrote itself. It was initially supposed to be a chapter or two, then it spiraled. The TWO endings I had planned for this story wrote themselves out and the ending that is here pretty much just took over my body and wrote itself. I still like it, though you may end up getting an alternate ending or two...I'm not sure yet.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story. Thank you.

Spencer swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, took a deep breath and knocked on the door of Hotch’s office. He heard the distracted “Come in.” and opened the door.

“Sir, do you have a few moments to talk?” Spencer asked. Something in his tone caused Hotch to look up and put aside his paperwork.

“Of course, Reid. Come on in and shut the door.” He said. Spencer shut the door and took a seat across from Hotch. “What’s going on?” He asked.

Reid’s hands twisted around the manilla envelope he was holding in his hands. He tried to calm himself down but it was pretty much pointless. Hotch was an amazing profiler, plus he knew Spencer well. He knew that something was wrong but waited for the younger man to explain himself. “I’ve been to talk to Strauss already. I need to take medical leave.” He said, refusing to look up at the other man. “I would like to keep my place in the BAU and if I apply solely for medical leave, then my spot is forfeit. So I’m here to ask you if I can be placed on a temporary leave of duty.” He said.

Hotch frowned. “Reid, what’s going on?” He asked, looking the other man up and down. He could tell just from looking at him that Reid had lost weight. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked terrible. “Is it...are you having a problem with Dilaudid again?” He asked.

Reid swallowed hard. “No. I…” He took another deep breath. “I went to the doctor two weeks ago. I haven’t been feeling well, really run down and just miserable. He did some blood work and found out that I have Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia.” He paused, then finally looked up at Hotch. “Cancer. I have cancer.”

Hotch didn’t even realize he was moving, but he found himself around the desk faster than he could have realized. “Reid…” He said.

“They said they caught it pretty early but it's aggressive.” He explained. “The treatment is going to wipe me out. Chemotherapy and radiation don’t know how to target only cancer cells so they kill all the cells. There is no way I can continue to work, but I don’t want to leave the BAU.” He was almost pleading.

“Of course you don’t have to leave. Reid, you are an asset to this team. You can have whatever kind of leave you need and you will always have a place on this team.” Hotch promised. “Have you told…” His voice trailed off as he looked to the bullpen.

“No. I don’t want them worrying about me.” He said.

“Reid.” Hotch said, sharply, then lowered his tone to softer. “Spencer. We are a family. Dysfunctional, maybe, but the BAU is a family. And we would all never forgive ourselves if we allowed you to go through something like this on your own.”

Finally, a tear rolled down Spencer’s cheek. “I’m scared.” He admitted. 

“How about this? You stay here and let me tell the team. Let us help you and take care of you.” He encouraged. Spencer finally nodded. Aaron took the folder from his hands. “Is this all the paperwork?” He asked and Reid nodded again. “I’ll take care of it.” He promised. He crossed the room to the mini fridge he had in his office, took out a bottle of water and gave it to Spencer. “I’ll be back.” He promised. 

Hotch took a minute to steel himself and calm down. Then he stepped out of his office and called across the bullpen. “BAU team, meeting room, now.” He said, heading towards the room. They assembled quickly and Hotch called Garcia to come up and join them. It didn’t take long and everyone was there, watching him intently.

“Where’s pretty boy?” Morgan asked.

“I didn’t see anything about a new case.” JJ said, confused.

“This isn’t about a case, this is about Reid.” Hotch said. He knew this was going to be one of the worst conversations he’d ever had. “Reid came to me today and starting today, he will be on a temporary leave of duty.” He held up his hands to stem the questions. “He was diagnosed with…” He paused, trying to remember what Reid had told him. “Leukemia. Reid has cancer.” He said.

The reactions were much the same as his own. Shock and hurt and frustration. “He will be on temporary leave, as opposed to medical leave, so he will keep his place on this team.” He paused, looking over the faces of his friends, his family. “We all know that Spencer is a quiet and private person. He has no family to speak of, other than us. Which means that we need to be there for him. I want someone with him at all of his appointments. He told me he’ll be starting chemotherapy and radiation, and that the cancer he has is aggressive, meaning the treatment will be as well. I do not want him to go to any of those alone.” He finally looked around the room again. Garcia and JJ were both crying and Emily looked like she was holding on by a thread. Morgan looked shocked and Rossi was doing something with his phone.

“Sir…” Garcia said, her voice shaking with tears. “We will do anything to help him.”

“What kind of leukemia?” Dave asked, still scrolling furiously through his phone.

“Acute...lym…” He tried to remember but he was dealing with the shock, too. 

“Lymphocytic?” Dave asked and he nodded. “Okay, I’ve found the best oncologist in the US who treats it. He’s in Annapolis. I’ve already sent off an email and I’ll make sure he takes Reid on. I’ll cover the cost of it.” He said. 

“You don’t have to do that.” Came Spencer’s voice and they all whirled. Looking at him, they realized how terrible he really looked. Immediately Emily was up and all but pushing Spencer into her chair.

“I want to.” Dave said, with a note of finality. “He’s going to consult with your doctor and you don’t have to go anywhere.”

“Spence…” JJ said, her voice anguised. “What can we do right now?” She asked.

“Unfortunately, there’s nothing.” He said, sounding bone tired. “I’m supposed to go tomorrow for a lumbar puncture, then a bone marrow aspiration.” He explained. “That will give the doctors a better idea of how to treat it.”

“I’ll take you.” Hotch said, immediately. 

“You guys don’t-” Spencer started.

“Yes we do.” Morgan said. “You would do the same for any of us. Let us help you, Reid. We want to be here for you.” 

“Would…” He paused. He’d never had someone he could ask for things before. He’d relied on himself for so many years that asking for assistance was foreign. “Would someone take me home?” He asked.

“Reid?” Dave asked. “You’ve been to my house, it’s huge. If you want, you can have your own wing.” He offered.

“That’s...very kind.” He said. “Right now, I just want to go home.” He said.

“I’ll take you.” Morgan said.

“What time is your appointment tomorrow?” Hotch asked.

“I have to be there at 10.” He said.

“I’ll pick you up at 9.” He promised. Reid wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but he knew what he was in store for. Both procedures were invasive and painful. If he had someone with him, the chances of him being allowed to go home were higher, so he agreed. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did forget something in those first notes. In this story, Aaron and Haley married right out of college, but divorced just a few years later. Jack does not exist for purposes of this story and Aaron and Haley have been separated for a long time.

Morgan drove Reid home in silence. Both men were quiet, neither knowing what to say or do. “Reid, man…” Morgan finally said. “I don’t know what to say or do.”

“I don’t either.” He admitted.

“What are…”  _ Your chances of survival.  _ He paused, not really sure how to ask the question he wanted to ask, but Reid knew what he was saying.

“I’m not sure. They’ll know more after the tests tomorrow. ACL is typically seen more in children, who have a good chance of beating it. It’s much more rare to present in adults and the survival chances go way down.” He said. They pulled into Spencer’s apartment complex and they both sat in the car. “Would...would you come in and stay with me for a little while?” He asked, his voice quiet.

“Absolutely.” He agreed, shutting off the car. The afternoon passed in a relatively normal fashion. They watched TV, ordered some food (though Reid didn’t eat much) and lounged around his house. It was nice having someone else there, as it allowed him to take his mind off what was happening to him. Around seven o’clock, Reid fell sound asleep. Morgan carried him to his room and laid him in his bed. He set Reid’s alarm then sent a text message, letting him know he’d let himself out and that he’d be thinking about him tomorrow. He looked so young and Morgan’s heart hurt for his little brother. 

The next morning, Hotch was there at 8:45 and had a cup of coffee for Reid. He politely declined as he wasn’t supposed to eat or drink anything before the procedures. As they drove, they were both quiet. Hotch had spent most of the night on the computer looking up Spencer’s disease, the procedures he was going to have done today, and the treatments. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay with you for the procedures. I read that having someone there often makes it a little easier on the patient.” Hotch told him.

“Why would you want to do that?” Reid asked.

“Because I care about you. We all care about you and we want to help you, if you’ll let us. If our situations were reversed, would you want me to go through that alone?” He asked.

“No.” He said, quietly. “I’d...I’d appreciate you staying.” He said.

They got to the hospital and checked in. Upon Hotch’s urging, Spencer put all of the team down as contacts and to be allowed access to information on Spencer. They were going to do the lumbar puncture first. Then he’d be allowed a few hours to recover and they would do the bone marrow aspiration. About an hour after that, if there were no problems, he’d be allowed to go home.

Reid was terrified, he knew what both of the procedures entailed and neither was going to be pleasant. It did help a little knowing that Hotch was going to be with him. Reid changed into a gown and reluctantly allowed himself to be wheeled in a wheelchair to the procedure room. It was cold and sterile and Reid shivered in fear.

“Okay, Spencer, we’re going to get you all set up and then do this. Do you want me to explain what’s going to happen?” The doctor asked. Reid shook his head no. “Okay, and your friend Aaron is going to be here with you, yes?” She checked and Reid nodded. “Sounds good. It’s always better to have someone with you. I’m not going to lie to you, this isn’t fun. Alright, I need you to lie on your side and pull your knees up to your chest.” She instructed and Spencer obeyed the orders.

“Aaron, I’m going to have you sit right here.” She pulled over a stool so he was eye level with Reid. “If you want to offer your hand, it might be squeezed pretty hard, but it’ll be helpful.” She said and immediately Hotch took Reid’s hand in his own. He gave him a light squeeze. 

“Spencer, you need to lie completely still and do not move. First, I’m going to give you a local anesthetic to numb you up. A little pinch and a little burn. You can still move right now, but get yourself ready to stay still.” She said. Spencer’s hand involuntarily squeezed when she administered the local. “Okay, it’ll just take a few minutes. In the meantime, my nurse Katie here, she’s going to help hold you in position. It’s just so you don’t move and I have access to your spine.” She said. Katie came around and helped Spencer curl in even tighter, then she held him tightly. “Can you feel this?” The doctor asked and Spencer shook his head no. “Okay, take a couple of deep breaths. We’re going to start. Katie’s going to make sure you don’t move and Aaron is going to help you focus on him.” She said.

Spencer gasped and wanted desperately to pull away, but he was being held completely still. His eyes went to Aaron and Aaron squeezed his hand in support. Spencer clenched tightly and a tear leaked out of his eye. “You’re doing great. You’re probably going to feel some pressure and you might feel a little dizzy.” She said.

“Tell me about Dahmer.” Aaron said, picking the first thing that came to his mind.

“Uhm…” Spencer started, then he began talking about all the facts related to the Jeffrey Dahmer case. His eyes fluttered as a wave of dizziness overtook him and he gasped as the pressure increased. “Hurts.” He said, stopping his recitation.

“Yeah, I know it does.” Aaron agreed. “You’re almost done. How would you have profiled him, if you’d been on the case?” He asked. Spencer continued to talk and suddenly Katie let him go.

“Great job, Spencer, you’re all done. I want you to lay here for at least thirty minutes to an hour. Don’t move too much. You might get a headache, if you do, you can press the call button and we’ll bring you something for it.” The doctor patted his arm. “You did great.” She said.

Spencer lay there, exhausted and hurting. He glanced over at Hotch and Hotch reached up to stroke his hair. “Thank you for being here.” Spencer said.

“Of course.” He agreed. “Why don’t you rest. Would you like me to read to you? I brought a book that I think you’ll like.” He enticed. Spencer nodded tiredly, closing his eyes again. “Just rest and I’ll be right here. Sleep if you need to.”

Hotch read to him for forty five minutes before Spencer finally reached out and took his hand again. “Hotch?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “I think I need some medicine for the headache. I think I’m going to be sick.” He admitted. “But tell them-”

“No narcotics.” He agreed. Hotch pressed the call button and explained what was going on. Another nurse came back right away with water, an ice pack, and a shot of medicine that she assured both of them contained no narcotics. 

“The ice will probably help his head, too.” She said and Hotch wrapped it in a towel and pressed it to his forehead. 

“I don’t want to have another test today.” Spencer finally said, after about ten more minutes. Hotch realized he was crying and quickly grabbed some tissues and wiped them away.

“I know you don’t. I wish you didn’t have to have it today either.” He said. “But, let’s get them all out of the way so we can start getting you better.” He said.

Spencer drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the afternoon. Hotch stayed by his side the whole time, occasionally texting the BAU updates. When it came time for the bone marrow aspiration, Spencer had resigned himself to his fate.

This procedure was a little more invasive and Spencer elected to be sedated for it. Hotch insisted on being there, regardless, so the nurses helped him scrub up and get into a gown to be allowed in the room. They sedated Spencer and laid him out on a table. Hotch couldn’t watch them inject the huge needle into his bone, knowing how much it would hurt. They got the sample and left Spencer in Aaron’s care. It took about ten minutes to wake him up from the sedation and he was immediately in tears from the pain.

Spencer had to stay for a couple of hours, to make sure that nothing had gone wrong with the procedure. They finally released him around 6pm into Aaron’s care. As he helped Spencer into the car, he realized that there was no way Spencer was going to make it up the flight of stairs into his apartment. “Spencer, I’m going to run by your house and get you some stuff, and then I’m going to take you back to my place.” He said.

“Why?” He asked, still groggy and in pain.

“I don’t think you’ll make it up the stairs.” Aaron explained and Spencer nodded, agreeing that Hotch was probably right. Aaron went in, grabbing clothes, pillows, and blankets and tossing it into the backseat of his car. Then he drove him to his own home and helped him inside. Spencer wanted to go to bed, so he got him into the guest room and then brought in his things. Spencer smiled shyly when he saw his own blankets and pillows.

“Thank you. For everything.” He said, already starting to fall asleep.

“Just call if you need anything.” Hotch said, gently brushing his hair off his face. “I’ll be able to hear you.” He left the door open slightly and went and all but collapsed on the couch. They were all in for a long journey, but none more than Spencer.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Spencer slept through most of the next day. He was achy and uncomfortable but Aaron had medicine and ice for him. He also helped him change the bandage on the site of the bone marrow aspiration. Hotch explained that Morgan had mentioned that he had a working relationship with the building manager of Spencer’s building, and if Spencer wanted, Morgan would see if there was a first floor apartment available. If not, Morgan knew of a few other places.

Spencer agreed to let him talk to the manager because he knew that getting up the stairs was going to be a chore, and if he had even one less thing to worry about, it would be a good thing. Later in the afternoon, Reid’s phone rang and he answered it. “Reid.”

“Hey pretty boy, how you feeling?” Came Morgan’s jovial voice. 

“I’m okay.” He said.

“Okay, so I talked to your building manager. There’s a first floor place that he agreed to let you switch to. I wanted to double check with you before I gave him the okay. The rent is the same, so no need to worry about that.” He explained.

“Thank you.” He said, truly touched. “I think that’s a good idea. Let him know that I can move sometime this weekend and I’ll pay to have it cleaned.” He said.

“Don’t worry about that. I agreed to do the touch ups for him.” 

“You guys are going way above and beyond.” Spencer protested.

“It’ll take me an hour at most. I don’t mind.” He promised. “Okay, let me finish everything up with your landlord. Take care of yourself.” He said, hanging up.

“Morgan?” Hotch asked, sitting gently next to Spencer. He handed him a fresh ice pack and his medicine.

“Yeah, he convinced my landlord to let me switch to a first floor place.” He said, gratefully taking both things offered to him. “I can move my stuff this weekend.”

“When’s your next doctor’s appointment?” Hotch asked.

“Tomorrow. All the tests should be in and we’ll come up with a treatment plan.” He said.

“Who would you like to go with you?” He asked.

“You guys really don’t have to…” He tried to protest.

“We want to. Spencer, I’ll say it again, we’re a family. I wouldn’t want to go to an appointment alone and I know if it were me, you’d be there. So would any of the team. That’s why we want to.”

“Family, ah, family is still kind of a foreign concept for me.” He said, bashfully.

“I get that. Growing up, my family…” He paused. “Well, Haley was the first time I really had a family. It took her a long time to get me to understand that I wasn’t a bother. That asking for help was okay. You’ll get there, too.” He promised.

“Would you mind coming with?” He asked, his voice quiet.

“Not at all. I’d be happy...well, maybe happy is the wrong word.” He teased and Spencer smiled. “I’d be honored to come. But, can I ask...why me?”

“Well, JJ and Garcia will cry.” He explained. “They see me as their kid brother, like they need to protect me. Morgan and Rossi will try and take over, they’ll think they know what’s best. Emily...well...I don’t know. But you were amazing yesterday. You were so calm and that’s what I need. I need someone to be calm and in control, yet know that it's my body, my treatment and my decisions. You can do that.” He said. Hotch nodded, everything he said made sense. 

“What time?” He checked.

“It’s early, 8 a.m. I wanted to get it out of the way.” He said. “Then I can go home and pack.” He paused and glanced at Hotch. “How are you all getting this extra time off? I know Strauss has to be pissed.”

“Actually, after you and Morgan left the other day, the rest of us went to talk to her. We reminded her that we’re your only family around here and that we wanted to be here to help you. She seemed pretty worried about you herself, so she authorized us to take time to help you out, however you need it.”

“Wow.” Was the only thing he could manage to say. 

“You want to watch a movie?” He offered and Spencer agreed, glad for the distraction.

Meanwhile, after Morgan finished his call with Reid, he stepped back into the landlord’s office. He finalized everything that he could do and let him know they were going to be moving Reid’s stuff immediately. He assured the landlord that he would do all the cleaning and touch ups on his old apartment free of charge, which had pleased him. He also convinced the landlord not to charge him the higher price for the new place by agreeing to a 20% discount on his own services for the next six months. He called Rossi, Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia and told them what was happening. He also called a few of his buddies to help out. Once they all got there, he took point, organizing everyone to pack up a little at a time, then to put it in the new place exactly where it was in the old one.

It took a couple of hours and they had everything set. Morgan texted Hotch to let him know they were finished, but Reid had already fallen asleep. He was so exhausted and emotionally drained. He told him he’d be taking Reid to the appointment tomorrow, then he’d bring him home. He promised to text when they were on the way, so everyone could be there to surprise him.

The girls had gone grocery shopping, since Spencer had nothing in his house. Rossi ended up whipping up a couple of meals to freeze, including a huge pot of chicken soup, and they made sure they stocked plenty of food for when he wasn’t feeling good. There was Ginger Ale, and crackers, and other things that would be bland and easy on his stomach.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Spencer was doing his best to keep his breathing even and not show how truly terrified he was about going to hear what his fate was. He was glad that the team was insisting on being with him and he was glad Hotch was coming with him. He knew Hotch was going to be the best person at these types of visits. He would be able to keep his emotions in check and he wouldn’t try to take over. They were quiet the whole way there, and when they called him back Spencer looked over at Hotch. Hotch had told him that if he wanted him to wait out here, he would.

“Would you come with me?” He asked and Hotch nodded, standing up and following him back. They were seated in an office and after a moment, Dr. Levy came in with a folder. 

“Hello Spencer.” He greeted.

“Dr. Levy, this is my boss and friend, Aaron Hotchner. Is it okay if he stays with me through this?” Spencer asked.

“Sure.” He agreed and then he sat down. “Spencer, I’m not going to sugar coat it. The results from your tests were not what we were hoping for. The cancer is very aggressive. The good news is that so far, it hasn’t spread. I consulted with a few other doctors and we’ve worked up a treatment plan. It isn’t going to be easy. I’m going to have you come in for chemotherapy three times a week. At the beginning, we’re going to do radiation once a week, but we may bump that to twice, depending on how effective it is. I’m going to put you on a very strong cocktail of drugs and we’re going to try to knock it out. Your immune system will be wiped out, so you will need to be extra careful of germs. Chances are, you might end up in the hospital, if the chemo is too much for you.” He paused to let Spencer digest that news.

“You are going to have to check your temperature multiple times a day. If you have even the slightest fever, you’ll need to come in.”

“What...ah...what are my...chances? Of beating it?” He finally managed to ask.

“Right now, about 60/40.” He didn’t like giving false hope. “But if you respond well to the chemo, that number will go up. We may have to try a few combinations of medicines to see what works best.” Spencer just nodded, not knowing what to say or do. “I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but I believe in telling my patients the truth. I think we can beat this, Spencer, but it won’t be easy.”

“When do you want me to start the chemo?” He asked, swallowing hard against tears he didn’t want to fall. He felt Aaron take his hand and squeeze.

“Well, we’re going to need to place a port first. This will allow us to give you the IV therapy as well as draw blood while you’re in treatment without having to stick you everytime. I already have an opening set aside for you to get that done today. Then, I’d like to run your first dose of chemo. The faster we start treatment, the better your odds are.”

“I...need...ah, a minute.” He said, about to lose it and the doctor nodded and stepped out. 

Aaron was about to offer to step out as well, when Spencer’s head dropped to his hands and he started to sob. Immediately, Aaron was out of his chair and on his knees in front of him. He reached up to hug him and Spencer threw his arms around him, coming off the chair and sobbing into Aaron’s chest. “Shh.” He soothed, not knowing what else to say or do.

“It’s not fair!” He sobbed. “I don’t...I don’t want to do this. I’m so scared.”

Aaron’s mind went blank. Any of the platitudes he could offer all seemed so ridiculous. He couldn’t say  _ it’ll be okay _ and he couldn’t say  _ I know _ . Neither of those statements were true. So he simply held him and said, “I’m here for you. We’re all going to be here for you.”

Spencer cried for another ten minutes, finally relaxing and realizing he’d soaked Aaron’s shirt. “I’m sorry about your shirt.” He said, taking the Kleenex that Hotch offered him.

“My shirt is fine.” He promised. “What about you?”

“I’m still scared, but I think I’m a little more okay now.” He said. “Can...would you mind finding Dr. Levy and telling him I’m ready to see him again.” Aaron helped him off the ground and back into the chair. He moved the box of tissues so Spencer could get to them if he needed, then gently rubbed his back for a second. 

The doctor came back in and looked at him sympathetically. “It happens to every one of my patients, Spencer.” He promised. “This is scary stuff and I’m sorry I don’t have better news for you. Do you think we can place your port and do your first round of chemo?” He asked. Spencer just nodded. “Okay, let me call down to radiology and see if they’re ready for you.” He glanced at Aaron. “Are you planning on staying?”

“Spencer?” He asked.

“You don’t have to. I’ll be okay.” He said. 

“I want to stay, as long as you want me here.” He offered. Spencer swallowed his pride.

“I want you to stay.” He admitted.

It took about thirty minutes to get Spencer down to radiology. The nurse gave him a gown and he changed. She helped him get settled on the gurney and went through a list of questions. Once he was ready, they let Aaron back in the room. They’d set up a stool near Spencer’s head and Aaron felt awkward, but settled down. The doctor came in and asked another, what felt like, thousand questions. They set up an IV and gave him some shots of local anesthetic. “We’re going to give you some medicine to help you relax.” The nurse said, pushing medicine into his IV. It took no time at all for Spencer’s eyes to glaze over and struggle to stay open.

“You can close your eyes if you want, honey.” The nurse said.

“Aaron?” He asked, trying to focus on him.

“Hmm?”

“Will you read to me again?” He asked, then he tried to look at the nurse. “Is that okay, if he reads to me?”

“It’s perfectly fine.” She said. Aaron pulled out the book he’d been reading the other day and Spencer closed his eyes. He tried to forget where he was and what was happening. He could feel tugging and pressure and while it didn’t  _ hurt _ , it wasn’t comfortable. He focused on Aaron’s soft, soothing voice and let it take him away from this room.

It took just under an hour to get the port placed and Spencer was loopy from the medicine. They left a needle in the port (so he can get the chemo, the doctor explained to Aaron) and finally moved him to a room. Aaron stayed with him, occasionally petting his hair when he’d shift in discomfort. Once the sedative wasn’t continually flowing, he came back around and finally looked down.

“Wow.” He said, though his voice was still a little slurred.

“Yeah.” Aaron agreed.

“I don’t think I could have gotten through that without you.” Spencer said. “Or the two procedures a few days ago. You’ve been so good to me.”

“We’re family.” He said, feeling slightly uncomfortable with how open Spencer was being.

“You’ve always been good to me, Hotch. You never doubted me, even when everyone else thought Gideon was crazy to bring me in. You supported his decision and you supported me. I’ve always looked up to you and…” he paused. “I’m glad we’re friends. Family. I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad to be here.” He said, truthfully. Spencer quieted down then and about fifteen minutes later, he seemed himself again.

“You can either leave, or call one of the others. I know you didn’t sign on to babysit me for the whole day.” He said. 

“What do you mean?” He asked, confused.

“I mean, they’re going to give me a chemo treatment. I’ve read…” He paused, trying to collect himself. “I’ve read that the first one is usually pretty bad. I’m going to be sick, Hotch, really sick. I’ll be throwing up for hours, most likely. You’ve been with me all day, you even sat through a surgery with me. I’m just saying that if you want a break, that’s okay with me.”

Hotch’s voice was quiet, but his eyes were earnest as they met Spencer’s. “I don’t want a break. I want to be here.”

“So I haven’t been imagining all this?” He asked, his voice issuing a challenge. “You wouldn’t spend days on end with anyone else on the team, no matter how much Sister Sledge we all talk.” 

“I would be here for anyone on the team. But...you are right, I am a little more invested with it being you.” He admitted.

“We’ve been dancing around it for years.” Spencer said, looking up at him. “But...this isn’t how I wanted it. I don’t want to be your pity project. I don’t want you to see me like this.” He was fighting back tears.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that if our positions were reversed, you would let anyone else be the one to do it. That you would be fine with JJ sitting with me during a chemo session. That it wouldn’t bother you not to hold my hand while having procedures. Tell me that you wouldn’t turn your life upside down to be with me and I’ll personally draw up a rotation schedule, for the rest of the team. That we all spend equal time with you.” He challenged.

“I’d move heaven and earth and I would stay with you, no matter what.” Spencer finally said. 

“I know you would, and so would I. I’m not going to use that word yet, but know that the feeling is there. I want to be with you, in good and bad times.”

Spencer let out a watery chuckle. “In sickness and in health?” He asked.

“No matter what.” He promised and Spencer started to cry again. Aaron tried to hug him gently, not wanting to cause him pain with the new port. “Let me be here for you? With you?” He asked and Spencer nodded. Aaron took his hand and ran his thumb over the back of Spencer’s hand. They sat there for another ten minutes before another nurse came in.

“Hi, my name is Abby. I’m here to take you down to the chemo room.” She said, brandishing a wheelchair. “We’re going to get you here, then bring you down and one of the nurses down there will take over. Sir, are you coming with?” She asked, looking at Aaron.

“Absolutely.”

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Abby helped him get out of bed and into the wheelchair. She made sure he was comfortable before wheeling him out the door and onto an elevator. Spencer’s chest was sore, but it wasn’t unbearable. It was weird to see the needle and he was nervous about the chemo. Yet, somehow, things suddenly didn’t seem as bad. Aaron was with him and he wasn’t going to leave. They had been flirting for ages and every time Spencer thought they were almost there, something would happen and fling them back apart. He’d been in love with Aaron Hotchner from almost the day he’d started with the BAU. Those dark eyes, dark hair and insane dimples made him almost weak in the knees.

He’d known for some time that Aaron had feelings for him as well, but things were complicated. Not only did they work together, technically Aaron was his boss. And the BAU functioned as a family, they were together more than most normal agents. It wasn’t ideal to start a relationship and so they had simply pined for each other from afar. Now, he was about to be at his very worst and NOW was the time Aaron was ready to start something. Part of him wanted to push him away. He didn’t want anyone, much less the man he was crazy about, to see him so sick and weak. But he also wanted him there, so much. He was calming and confident and he made Spencer simply feel better just by being there.

He was so lost in thought, he hadn’t even realized that they’d arrived in the chemo room. Blessedly, it was empty. There were several chairs positioned around the room. They all looked like very comfortable chairs, but next to them were sinks, emesis basins, IV stands, and a plethora of other medical devices. He took a breath to calm his nerves and Abby helped him out of his wheelchair and into one of the chairs. It actually felt even more comfortable than it looked and he settled back into it.

They were left alone for all of a minute when another woman came over to them. “Hi there, Dr. Reid, my name is Ellie.”

“Please, just call me Spencer. And this is my…” He faltered and saw Hotch repress a grin. He reached out and smacked him lightly and Hotch laughed. “This is my friend, Aaron.”

“I’m so glad you have someone here with you. It always makes it a little easier.” She said. “I know this is your first chemo session, so I want to talk with you a little before we get started. First, do you have any questions?” She asked them.

“So, it’s okay if he stays here?” Spencer checked, indicating Aaron.

“Absolutely. You can have up to three people with you during a session. Well, three adults. We ask that children not come as they can be frightened. You don’t need to decide in advance who or how many you want to bring. During your session, just show up with them and as long as YOU’RE okay with it, WE’RE okay with it.” She explained. “Now, I know a little bit about you and I understand that you probably know most of the logistics of what’s going to happen. However, knowing and experiencing it are two very different things.” Her voice softened. “You might feel a slight burn when we start the chemo, but it should ease off in the first minute or so. If it burns a lot or continues to burn, you’ll need to let me know right away. I’m your nurse, I do not have any other patients right now. I will most likely be your nurse for most of your sessions. When you’re receiving your chemo, you will only have one nurse and you will be the only patient.”

She paused and let Spencer nod to show that he understood. “We have plenty of things to help and to distract. Some people like to listen to music. You can bring your own or we can give you headphones that plug into the chair. This remote,” She pulled out a small white remote. “This remote is for music. There’s also a personal TV right here.” She opened a cabinet and handed him a second remote. “This is for the TV. It has a Blu-Ray player, you can borrow something from us or bring something from home. It also has cable, so you can flip around channels. We have a small library. We also can offer you paper, pencils, pens, coloring books, crayons, journals, anything like that. Also, your chair can lay down into a bed. You can put it wherever you feel most comfortable and here’s the remote to move the chair. That’s the distraction part.” She gave him a smile.

“Now, the helping part isn’t as fun. This is a mini fridge. If you bring stuff, you can store it here while you’re having your treatment. We always have water, Apple Juice, Sprite, Ginger Ale and Coke available. If you want something else, just let us know and we’ll get it for you. We also have crackers, broth, applesauce, and other food and snacks.” She paused and gave him a sad smile. “Often, you won’t feel like eating, but occasionally you will be throwing up so much that you have nothing left in your stomach. Sometimes, just getting something in to bring back up is better than nothing.

“Unfortunately, for your first few sessions we can’t give you anything else. No anti-emetics, no tylenol, no anything like that. However, once we get your cocktail right, we can help you out with that.” She waited until he nodded that he understood. “Now, chemo has typical side effects but they don’t affect everyone. You might not feel sick at all. You might be really sick. You might get a headache, you might get dizzy. My job, and if you want to allow your friends, too, is to help you with whatever you feel. If you need to throw up, do it. Don’t hold it back, I promise it won’t help in the long run. If you feel dizzy or hot or cold or anything, you let me know and I’ll do whatever I can to make you more comfortable. Now, are you ready to get started? Do you have any other questions for me?”

Spencer started to shake his head no, then changed his mind. “Actually, I’m really kind of cold in this gown. Can I get a blanket?” He asked and she smiled at him.

“Of course. I’m going to grab your medicine and a blanket and I’ll be right back.” She said.

“I’m really scared.” Spencer whispered, not looking at Aaron. He felt his hand picked up and then kissed and finally looked over.

“I know you are. I’m scared, too. But I’ll be right here with you.” He promised.

Ellie came back with a warmed blanket that felt amazing when she helped Spencer drape it over his shoulders. She fussed with his port, hooking up various tubes and wires. “Okay, you’re all set. I’m going to turn it on. This time, it’ll take about two and a half hours to run, because we’re running it slow. Typically, it’ll run through in about an hour. There’s a bucket right here.” She said. “If you need me, press this button or call me and I’ll come running.” She promised. She gently patted his arm. “Good luck Spencer.” She turned on the IV and left the two men alone.

They sat awkwardly for a few minutes. Suddenly, he looked down at his chest. “I can feel it. It’s burning, like she said.”

“Is it bad?” Aaron checked.

“It’s uncomfortable, but it's not too bad.” He said. He grabbed the remote to adjust the chair and leaned it back a little. “Guess I might as well get as comfortable as I can.” He said. They exchanged a little small talk, discussing cases and banal subjects for about twenty minutes. Aaron could see that Spencer was getting paler by the second. There was sweat beading on his forehead and he had stopped talking, keeping his jaw clenched shut. His breathing was shallow and Aaron knew what was happening. He picked up the bucket and held it up.

“Spencer, if you need to be sick, it’s okay.” He said and Spencer shook his head no. He continued trying to breathe through the nausea. “I’m right here, Spencer.” He said, quietly.

“Sit up.” He managed, through his teeth and Aaron figured out what he wanted and pressed the button to make the chair come back to upright. When Spencer got to the position he wanted he shook his head for Aaron to stop. 

“I have the bucket right here.” Aaron said. “I’m not leaving you.”

Apparently that was either what he needed to hear, or he simply couldn’t resist his body any longer. Spencer leaned forward, heaving into the bucket. He hadn’t eaten anything today so it was simply bile. His stomach revolted time and again and within seconds, Spencer had tears streaming down his face. “Ellie?” Aaron called softly. “Can I get a wet washcloth?”

“Of course.” She said and soon she was there, handing him a cloth and a small basin filled with water. She also had a bottle of water and a can of ginger ale.

Spencer’s stomach was heaving and he felt a cloth wash his face of sweat and tears. This was absolute torture and he simply wanted it to end. His stomach hurt, his port hurt, and he felt awful. It took some time for his stomach to stop protesting and he opened his eyes. Aaron looked so concerned, but he was still right there with the bucket and the washcloth. “I don’t feel good.” Spencer said, pitifully.

“Try a little ginger ale.” He said, opening the can and putting a straw in it. He handed the bucket to Ellie, who swapped it out for a new one, and held the can up for Spencer to take a drink. He managed a couple of sips before he had to sit back. He was exhausted. He had no idea how he was going to manage this three times a week and began to cry again. “Spence? What hurts?” Aaron asked.

“Everything.” He moaned. “How...how am I going to do this?” He asked, his voice filled with despair. Aaron didn’t have an answer for him. 

The two hours that the chemo ran were excruciating, for both Spencer and Aaron. Spencer vomited almost the entire time, even though his stomach had nothing for him to lose. The pain was bad and his head was pounding. He shivered and his teeth chattered, even though Ellie brought him more blankets. Aaron never left his side. Once the chemo had run through, she unhooked it and removed the needle from his port.

“Spencer, you did really good. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you got through your very first treatment. Your body WILL adjust. I want you just to rest and relax as much as you can. In about an hour, we’ll help you get dressed and Aaron can take you home.” She said. Spencer couldn’t even open his eyes, he was so exhausted from the session. “I want you to try and drink a little water or gatorade.”

“Gatorade.” He managed, still not opening his eyes.

“Very good. I’ll bring it over for you. You just lay here and relax, you earned it.” Ellie said, rubbing his shoulder and bringing over the gatorade. Again, Aaron got a straw in it and held it up to Spencer.

“I’ve got the gatorade here. Straw is right in front of you.” He coaxed. Spencer managed to open his mouth and Aaron maneuvered the straw in. He took a few sips, eternally glad when they seemed to stay down. He drank a little more, then pulled away. Aaron put the drink down and reached up to brush Spencer’s sweat damp hair out of his eyes. 

“You were so brave, Spencer.” Aaron said.

“I feel like dying.” He moaned.

“I know you do. I’m going to take you home and you can get some rest.” He told him.

“My home? Too many stairs.” He complained. Aaron knew the others had planned on surprising him today, but he knew it would be too much after the day he’d had. He had already texted everyone multiple times, keeping them updated on what was going on. 

“I’ll take you to my place again. Ellie said someone should be with you tonight.”

“Aaron? Everything hurts.” He said, opening his eyes and looking at his boss. “I just want to lay down in bed.”

“We’re going to go home soon.” He promised him. “Try to sleep a little.” Spencer fell asleep quickly and Aaron couldn’t do anything but watch him. He had never felt so helpless in his life. There had been nothing he could do for Spencer except watch his body get poisoned and rebel. It hurt to watch, but Aaron wouldn’t leave him for anything. He almost drifted off himself when Ellie came back over. She gently rubbed Spencer’s arm, waking him from his slumber.

“You ready to go home?” She asked and he nodded. “Okay, I’ve got your clothes from earlier. I’ll help you get dressed. Aaron, can you go get your car and bring it around to our entrance?” She asked and Aaron nodded. He leaned forward and without thinking too hard or too much, placed a soft kiss on Spencer’s forehead. 

“I’ll be right back.” He promised and Spencer nodded, trying to shake off the grogginess. He was embarrassed that Ellie had to help him dress, but he was weak from the medicine and the toll it had taken on it's body. She got him ready and then helped him into a wheelchair and wheeled him to the exit. He was too tired, sore, and sick to even protest.

“You’ve got a good one.” Ellie said, nodding at Aaron as he pulled around.

“Not really mine.”

“Not yet. But you guys will get there. He’s a keeper.” She said. She wheeled him to the door of the car and helped him get in. “He’ll probably need help getting inside your house. Don’t let him walk on his own, he’s going to be very unsteady.” She said, then she passed Spencer a bucket. “Driving might make your nausea come back. It’s okay if that happens. You might be sick later tonight, that’s okay too. If you have any questions, you can call and we’ll help you out. We’ll see you soon, Spencer. You did a great job today.”

Spencer’s head was resting against the headrest and his eyes were closed. Aaron thanked her and headed for his home. He knew that Rossi was there and had made some light dinner for them. Spencer didn’t get sick on the drive, but he was definitely nauseous. Once they arrived and Aaron had pulled into the garage, Spencer said he needed a few minutes and Aaron let him sit there and get a hold of his nausea. 

They got inside and Spencer wanted to lay down so Aaron helped him directly to the bed. Aaron fussed over him, getting him settled in and comfortable. He made sure that Spencer knew where the bucket was and that there was a bottle of water on the nightstand. Spencer was out like a light almost the second his head hit the pillow. Aaron fussed for another minute, then left, leaving the door open so he could hear if Spencer called for him. He headed to the kitchen, where Rossi was sitting at his table.

“He doesn’t look good.” Dave said, his voice concerned.

“It’s been a rough day.” Aaron admitted. 

“You don’t look good either. Sit, let me get you some dinner.” He said as Aaron all but collapsed into a chair. He served up dinner for Aaron and it smelled amazing. He realized he was starving and dug in with gusto. After Aaron had eaten, he sat back in his chair. “Tell me what’s going on with the kid.”

“The doctor says his cancer is aggressive. They put in a port today, then gave him his first round of chemo. The doctor wants him getting chemo three times a week and radiation once a week, for now. The chemo…” He paused. “It was awful, Dave. He was so sick and so miserable and there was nothing I could do except hold the bucket.”

“Have you told him you’re in love with him, yet?” He asked, knowingly. Aaron’s head shot up and he stared at his friend. “Oh please, I’ve known for years. He’s just as crazy about you.”

“We...discussed some things today.” He admitted. “But he’s going to need all of us. This isn’t going to be easy.”

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Spencer didn’t have any treatment the next day, for which he was grateful. He didn’t feel as bad as he had the day before, but he was still shaky and weak. Aaron told him that he was welcome to stay with him for as long as he wanted, but they should probably go by his house and get some things. It was a ruse, of course, to get him to see what their other friends had done. Spencer hesitated, unsure if he’d be able to make it up to his place, but Aaron had insisted and promised he’d help him.

Spencer wasn’t allowed to shower yet, due to the surgical incision of the port, but he wiped himself down with a washcloth. He felt gross, but it was better than nothing. Aaron had heated up some soup for him and he’d managed to keep it down. Aaron drove him to the complex he lived at and parked in front of a building that wasn’t his. “Aaron, this isn’t my building.” He said, sounding confused.

“Yeah, I know. Morgan said he set up a tour for a first floor apartment for you.” He lied. He knew the team was inside waiting. “I have a key here.” He helped Spencer out of the car, but he was more steady on his feet today. He opened the door and Spencer was flabbergasted to see everything he owned set up exactly the way he’d had it and all of his friends.

“Surprise!” Morgan said, with a cheeky grin. “Welcome home.”

“How…” Spencer asked, looking around.

“We moved you right after I got off the phone with you.” He said, putting an arm around Spencer. “You really think we were going to let you pack and move on your own?”

“I don’t know what to say...thank you.” He said, his voice thick.

“Come on in, sit down. Rossi made some food.” Spencer’s stomach rolled at the thought.

“I think I’m going to pass on the food.” He said, sinking into his couch.

“Do you need us to leave?” Morgan asked, his voice serious.

“No, I’d like you to stay. I just can’t eat right now. I’m still a little queasy from yesterday.”

JJ sat down next to him. “Hotch told us what the doctor said. I know he stayed with you yesterday, but we want you to know, we all want to be with you. If you’re okay with it, we’ll make sure you don’t go to any appointment or treatment alone.”

“Yesterday morning, I’d have said you don’t have to do that, but after yesterday...I think having someone with me would be nice.” He said, leaning into her. “It was...terrible.” His voice shook.

“I’m so sorry, Spence.” JJ said, kissing his temple. 

“Me too.” He agreed, laying against her. He was tired, exhausted really, but it was nice to see his friends. He was amazed that they had done all this for him. Before he realized it, he’d fallen asleep laying against JJ. Hotch came over and helped her lay him down on the couch and cover him up with a blanket. They went to the other room and discussed a schedule for Spencer. Hearing him say that he wanted someone with them had sort of shocked them all. He was so independent and they understood how bad his treatment must have been for him to be asking for company.

Eventually, they all let themselves out leaving Reid to sleep. Hotch stayed, not wanting him to wake up alone. He settled himself into a chair and picked up one of Spencer’s books. He read for a few hours before he heard Spencer start to stir.

“Hey.” He called, softly.

“Hotch?” He asked, blearily. 

“Yeah, it’s just me. Everyone else headed home.” He said. Spencer sat up slowly, though Hotch could tell he was dizzy, just by watching him. 

“I’m sorry I fell asleep.” He said, reaching for his glasses and wiping the sleep from his eyes.

“You needed it. No one was upset.” He assured him. Hotch got up and grabbed a water bottle from his fridge and brought it over to him. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay.” He said, taking a survey of his body. “I’m a little hungry.”

Hotch smiled brightly. “That’s good!” He said. “The gang stuffed your fridge and pantry with food so just let me know what you want and I can get it for you.”

“You don’t have to do that.” He said.

“I know I don’t, but I want to.” He said. Spencer acquiesced and Hotch heated up some soup and cut up a piece of bread. They moved to Spencer’s table and they sat down and ate together. “You have your first radiation appointment tomorrow. JJ would like to go with you, if you’re okay with that.” He said.

“I’m okay with it.” He said. “Radiation isn’t supposed to be as bad as the chemo.”

Hotch didn’t really know what to say to that. They sat in silence for a while, both eating their food. Spencer managed to eat most of it but he was afraid of getting sick again. “Do you want me to head out? Let you have some time alone?” Hotch offered, after he’d cleaned up the dishes. 

“Actually, I really don’t want to be alone.” He admitted. “Would you stay...please?” He asked.

“I’ll stay.” He agreed, smiling at Reid. “You want to watch some TV?” He offered.

“I want a shower, but since that’s still not an option, I guess TV sounds good.” He agreed. They headed to the livingroom and Hotch grabbed a few blankets and they settled on the couch. “Would it be okay if…” Spencer asked, moving close and laying his head on Hotch’s chest. “Is this okay?”

Aaron brought an arm up and curled it around Spencer. “More than okay.” He said. They turned on a documentary about ancient Egypt and Spencer spent most of it telling Aaron additional facts or various things they had gotten wrong. Eventually he drifted off again, cuddled into Aaron. Aaron ended up waking him up and helped him to bed. He got him in bed, tucked him in and turned to leave.

“Stay?” Came Spencer’s voice. 

“I can stay.” Aaron said. “Your couch is comfortable.”

“No...stay here.” He asked, pulling back the sheets. “I want you here.”

“I want to be here.” He said, slipping into bed with Spencer. He pulled him close and he felt Spencer relax. It only took a few minutes before he heard Spencer’s breathing even out and knew he was asleep. He hated that this was what had finally brought him together, but he was so gone on Spencer, he knew he’d do anything for him. It didn’t take long for Aaron to follow Spencer into sleep. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Spencer still wasn’t allowed to shower, he had to wait one more day, so he made due with another day of using a washcloth. He felt disgusting but getting an infection from the incision site would not be good. Aaron had made them scrambled eggs for breakfast and Spencer ate, finally starting to get a little of his appetite back. He knew that after his next round of chemo it would start over. He wasn’t entirely sure what radiation would do, but from his reading, the side effects would be very different from chemo.

JJ showed up an hour before his appointment to pick him up. He dressed comfortably, even though he felt like a slob. He knew it was better to be comfortable. They chatted amiably on the way to the doctors and she followed him in. He was asked to change into a hospital gown and once he was changed and seated on his bed, JJ came back in.

Eventually a nurse came in, asked him the questions he’d answered multiple times in the last week, and started explaining how radiation would work. He would have to do the treatment alone, because they didn’t want to expose anyone else to the radiation, but JJ could be with him until they were ready to start and after they were done. It was also explained that she would have to drive him home, he would most likely be fatigued from the treatment.

She told him that side effects vary, but he would probably have skin irritation and he would need to limit his exposure to sunlight. The treatment would probably tire him out, but he shouldn’t experience nausea, like with the chemo. When she was ready, she took them back to the radiation room. JJ had to wait outside while they draped magnetic sheets over his lower body and helped him lay down on the table.

“You won’t feel anything and this only takes a few minutes.” She said. “I know it's easier said than done, but just relax. You’ll be done and back with your friend in less than ten minutes.”

He heard the hum of the machine and closed his eyes. She was right, he didn’t feel anything as the radiation targeted the cancerous cells and hopefully helped kill them. It only took about three minutes then the machine turned off. A minute later she came back in and removed the magnetic sheet. “You might be sensitive where we aimed the beam, but just wear loose clothing. If it gets painful or develops a sore, let us know right away.

She left and let JJ back in. She sat down on a chair next to his bed. “Are you okay?” She asked, since he was laying with his eyes closed.

He nodded. “She’s right, it wasn’t nearly as bad as the chemo.” He said. “Would you…” He paused and she waited for him to finish. “Would you tell me about some of the cases you’ve been reviewing?” He asked, wanting something to distract him.

She smiled at him. “As a matter of fact, I brought files with me. I thought you might want to hear about them.” She said. He smiled back at her and reached for her hand.

“Thank you for being here, JJ. It means a lot to me.”

“I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but you are my brother, Spence. I love you so much and I’ll be here with you.” He squeezed her hand in thanks, then closed his eyes again. The fatigue was already starting to set in. She opened the first file and began to read the details to him.

For the first two files, he gave her answers and responses, though they became slower and quieter as he fought the exhaustion. Eventually, he stopped responding and his hand became lax in hers. She realized he’d fallen asleep and so she put away the case files. She kept holding his hand and just watching him. He’d always been skinny, but right now he looked so frail. She wanted to make everything better, but she couldn’t. The only thing she could do was be there for him, with him.

About an hour later, the nurse came back, checked on the site and pronounced him good to go home. JJ woke him up and he fought through the tiredness. The nurse insisted on a wheelchair to the doors and asked JJ to pull her car around. Spencer had almost fallen asleep again but the nurse helped him into the car. He immediately fell back asleep as JJ drove him home. She texted Hotch that they were on their way and that Spencer was exhausted and might need some help getting inside.

Hotch met them as they pulled in and glanced in the car at a sleeping Spencer. “He’s really out of it.” JJ explained.

“Yeah, supposedly radiation really wipes out the patient.” He said, opening Spencer’s door. “Hey sleeping beauty.” He coaxed, gently rubbing Spencer’s shoulder. Spencer managed to open his eyes and look over at Aaron.

“When did you get here?” He asked sleepily.

“You’re at home, Spencer. JJ drove you here. Can you get out of the car and I’ll help you inside so you can go back to sleep?” He offered. It took a minute for Spencer to unbuckle his seatbelt and turn. Aaron took his arm and helped him stand on unsteady feet. He all but carried Spencer into the house and right back to his bedroom. He got him in bed and Spencer was already asleep by the time Aaron had tucked him in. He gently ran his hands through Spencer’s soft hair and then headed back out to his living room.

JJ was still there, having taken a seat on the couch. “How did he do?” Hotch asked.

“He did good. He said it wasn’t as bad as the chemo, he was just so tired. It didn’t take long either, maybe ten minutes, but he has to be by himself for this treatment. I hated leaving him in there.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He said. “Thank you for going with him. I think it was good for him.” 

“I’m happy to help him however I can.” She paused. “I don’t want to overstep any boundaries, but what’s going on with you two?” She asked.

Hotch thought about beating around the bush, but decided against it. “I told him that I cared for him and that I have for a long time. And he told me he feels the same.”

“He’s been in love with you since he joined the BAU.” She said. Hotch flushed.

“I’ve been...I’ve had feelings for him for a long time. This isn’t recent and it isn’t just because of what’s happening.”

“Don’t hurt him. I’ve worked with you guys for too long. I can make you disappear and not even our team would find you and figure out what happened.” She said and Hotch’s eyebrows went up. Then she smiled. “I’m glad you two are together, you’re good for each other.”

They sat and talked for a while and eventually JJ went home. Aaron rummaged through the kitchen and found one of the ready to bake casseroles that one of the team had left. He followed the instructions written on the outside and put it in the oven. When it was ready, he pulled it out to cool and went to wake Spencer.

Spencer was groggy, but he woke up and the food smelled really good. He told Hotch he’d meet him in the kitchen and dragged himself to the bathroom. He splashed some water on his face to wake himself up and headed to the kitchen. “Did you make that?” He asked, seeing the dish.

Aaron chuckled. “No. One of the others did and left it in your freezer. I just put it in the oven.”

“It smells really good.” He said. Aaron dished each of them a piece and they settled at the table. 

“How are you feeling?” Aaron asked.

“Okay. Better than the day with the chemo. Mostly just tired. It was nice to have JJ there, she’s a good friend.” He said.

“I’m glad she was able to bring you.” He said. 

“Aaron?” He asked, after a moment. Hotch looked up at him.

“I don’t know if I want the others bringing me to chemo. I know it's a lot to ask of you, but with how sick it made me...I mean, I think Morgan is okay, but I don’t want the girls to take me.” He admitted. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot since yesterday.”

“What about Rossi?” He asked.

“Not right now. He still sees me as a kid and I don’t really want…” He paused, unsure how to phrase what he was trying to say. Aaron seemed to understand anyway.

“Okay, whatever you want. What do you say both Morgan and I come with you to the next chemo session. That way you can gauge his reaction and see if you’ll feel comfortable with him. I’ll be there, too, and if you decide you don’t want him there, I can send him home.”

“I don’t want to be a burden on you.” He said.

“You don’t worry about me. I’ll let you know if I need some time.” He promised. Spencer nodded, knowing Aaron would indeed honor his promise.

“Okay, you and Morgan can bring me to the next session.” He agreed. “Maybe it won’t be as bad as the first one.”

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

The next day was actually pretty good. Spencer was able to do some light cleaning and laundry. He ate and spent the day reading and resting. He wasn’t really able to enjoy himself because he knew tomorrow was another chemo session. Aaron had contacted Morgan and let him know that Spencer was asking for him to come with and Morgan agreed. Aaron privately suggested he do some reading on chemo and the side effects so that tomorrow wouldn’t be a complete surprise for him.

Aaron had left him alone for the day, knowing that he probably needed some time to himself and Spencer was grateful. He liked having Aaron around, but some time by himself was what he needed. He read through all of the literature that his doctor had given him, along with doing quite a bit of research online. 

He read a lot about mitigating the side effects of chemo and so he made sure he was hydrated and he ate a small, very light breakfast that morning. Aaron was going to pick him up and Morgan was going to meet them there. He was nervous and he didn’t want to have more chemo, but he knew he had to. 

Today there were two other people in the chemo room, receiving treatment. One was asleep and the other was reading a book with a bucket in their lap. He swallowed down his fear and went to check in. Ellie was there and he found he was glad to see her. “Hi Spencer, welcome back.”

“Gee, thanks.” He said and she laughed.

“I know, no one ever wants to see me. I just don’t understand why.” She teased gently. “Ah, two friends today.” She said, taking note of Morgan. She moved around and got him set up in a chair. Aaron put some gatorade and apple slices in the fridge for Spencer. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay right now, but…” He let the sentence trail off. 

She flipped through his chart. “It looks like you tolerated the radiation really well.” She said. “I know that your last session was rough, Spencer. This one shouldn’t be as bad, but now you kind of know what to expect. This one will only last 45 minutes, instead of two hours. Your buzzer on this chair is connected directly to me. There are two other nurses here and they can help you, too, if you need them. But remember, you’re my only patient right now so whatever you need, I’m here for you.” She said. “Today, the only thing that will be significantly different is that I have to access your port. Do you want me to walk you through what I’m going to do or just get it done?” She asked.

“I know what’s going to happen.” He said.

“Okay, let's get you laid back.” She helped him adjust the bed so he was laying down. She handed masks to Aaron and Morgan. “You guys need to wear these while we access his port, or else you’ll need to step way back.” They both donned masks. She applied a topical gel meant to numb his skin. She let it sit to take effect, then donned gloves and started the procedure. It hurt but it was over quickly and Ellie was remarkably gentle. “Okay, you are all hooked up. Let me get the chemo and we’ll get you started.”

Spencer took a few deep breaths to calm himself. Aaron reached out to take his hand and Spencer smiled at him gratefully. “Fun, isn’t it?” He asked Morgan.

“Looks thrilling.” He replied, making Spencer laugh. It was nice to hear and it relaxed Morgan a bit. According to Hotch, Spencer had had a hell of a time with the first round of chemo and he was nervous. He didn’t want to appear nervous because he knew that Spencer was and he wanted to make him feel better.

Ellie was back in a minute and she hooked up everything for him. “Okay, you know the drill. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Can we get some washcloths and a basin of water?” Aaron asked, remembering the last time.

“Sure. Would you like some heated blankets, Spencer?” She asked, but he shook his head no. He could feel the light burn, letting him know the chemo was getting into his body. He braced himself for what was about to happen. Ellie brought over the water then left them alone.

Spencer adjusted the chair so he was mostly sitting up. “Okay, entertain me.” He said, with a weak smile.

“I have a book or case files, which do you want?” Aaron offered.

“The book.” He said. Aaron pulled it out and started to read but kept a close eye on Spencer. It took no more than ten minutes before he could see that Spencer was fighting the nausea. He glanced meaningfully at Morgan, who picked up the bucket and placed it under Spencer.

“Reid,” He started, then shook his head. “Spencer. Hotch and I are here for you, man. If you need to be sick, don’t hold back. We’ve got you.” He said, trying to be strong for him.

“I don’t want to.” He muttered.

“I know you don’t. I know it's awful but you’ll feel better.” Aaron coaxed and finally Reid couldn’t hold it anymore. He leaned forward and began to vomit. Aaron got up so he was next to him, gently wiping his face and neck and Derek held the bucket. Every time he stopped, he’d switch it out so he had a clean one. 

He threw up constantly for nearly fifteen minutes. Morgan looked at Hotch with anguish and Hotch looked so concerned. He rubbed his back and whispered meaningless platitudes. When he finally stopped, he fell back against his chair, tears rolling down his face.

“Ginger ale?” He asked, weakly. 

Hotch called for Ellie and she brought him a can and a straw. Hotch opened it and held it up so Spencer could take a few drinks. It seemed the nausea was easing up on him for a minute. “I hate this.” He whimpered.

“Just think about all the cancer cells being killed. You are brave, pretty boy.” Morgan encouraged him.

“I don’t feel brave.” He muttered, eyes slipping closed.

“You are. Trust me, I’m an FBI agent.” He teased gently. It worked, it managed to get a smile out of Reid. He laid there, eyes closed for about ten more minutes before he got pale and sweaty again.

“I’m cold.” He murmured and Hotch pressed the button for Ellie. 

“What do you need, sweetie?” She asked.

“Cold.” He told her, swallowing hard.

“Okay, let me get you some blankets.” She said and with that he leaned forward and was sick again. Having something in his stomach did actually make a difference. He still felt awful but at least it wasn’t the wrenching pain of simply dry heaving for two hours. He shivered and gagged for the last ten minute that the medicine was running and finally Ellie came by and turned it off. “We’re going to let you rest for a little bit, then I’ll draw blood before I unhook your port. After that, you can go home. Do you need anything right now?” She asked.

He shook his head, hoping that if he didn’t open his mouth he wouldn’t throw up, but it didn’t seem to matter. His body propelled forward gagging and heaving again. It took about ten minutes for it to stop and he fell back completely exhausted.

“You did so good, Spencer.” Aaron told him, running his fingers through his soft hair. “You did so good.”

“Wanna go home.” He muttered.

“We’re going to get there soon.” He told him.

“You’ll stay?” He asked, eyes still closed.

“I’ll stay.” Aaron assured. It seemed that he was done throwing up for now and in no time, Ellie came to draw blood and unhook his port.

“I want you checking your temperature tonight and in the morning. Any sign of a fever and head straight to the hospital.” She explained and he nodded, as did Aaron. “Okay, Aaron go get your car, we’ll help Spencer.” She said.

Ellie had Derek help her get Spencer into a wheelchair. He moaned a little but settled easily. He was still shivering and Ellie told him he could keep the blanket. They wheeled him out to the car and helped him in. It was obvious he was exhausted, he could barely keep his eyes open. She made sure he had a bucket and told him goodbye. Derek let him know he was going to follow them to the house and Aaron nodded, putting the car into drive.

This time the movement of the car caused Spencer to throw up again. Aaron put a hand on his shoulder, silently letting him know he was there for him. When they got to Spencer’s home, Aaron and Derek all but carried him inside. “Bed or couch?” Aaron asked.

“Bed please.” He requested. “And can you turn up the heat?”

“I’ve got the heat, you get him settled.” Derek said. Spencer was sick again but quickly succumbed to sleep. Once Aaron was sure he was out, he headed to the living room and sat down across from Hotch.

“Damn.” He said, running his hands over his face. “You said it was bad, but…”

“And that was better than the last time.” He said and Morgan looked at him incredulously. 

“I wish we could do something for him.” He said.

“We are. Right now, he doesn’t want Rossi or the girls with him at chemo. I think you can understand why after today. He trusts us and so, we can be there for him.”

“Yeah.” He said. “It really sucks.”

“It really sucks.” Hotch agreed.

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Spencer’s life became a chain of appointments, treatments and sickness. He was tolerating the chemo a little better now, but it still made him terribly sick. Morgan and Hotch sometimes took turns and something came together, but he was never alone at any of his sessions. He thought he’d feel smothered, but in reality, he was glad there was someone there for him. When everything seemed awful, one of them was there.

The girls rotated turns taking him into radiation, after he’d explained that he didn’t want them bringing him to chemo. They were sweet and loving with him and again, he was glad to have the company. Plus, he wasn’t able to drive himself anywhere so someone taking him was a necessity. Two months after he’d started the treatments Spencer barely recognized himself in the mirror. He’d dropped weight he couldn’t afford to lose, there were dark circles under his eyes. He had lesions from where they aimed the radiation and he was so pale, he often joked he glowed in the dark. The only effect that seemed to miss him was the hair loss. He wasn’t sure why or how, but he certainly wasn’t arguing.

Aaron had been an absolute god-send. He had moved into Spencer’s apartment and he took such good care of him. From holding buckets while he puked, to holding him while he cried in pain and fear, he couldn’t imagine him not being there. Aaron loved stroking his hair and it felt good, so Spencer allowed it. 

It’s not to say they were without their fights. They had gone from co-workers to live-in partners in the span of weeks. Plus, everything revolved around Spencer’s cancer. He was overwhelmed and often just worried that Aaron was there because he felt like he had to be. However, they had good days, too. On the days that Spencer felt well enough, Aaron would take him out on small dates and Spencer marveled at how happy he was.

It was a Tuesday morning, a day between treatments and Spencer woke up feeling cold. It was a feeling he was used to, but today felt different. He was shivering hard and couldn’t pull himself out of bed, even though he had to go to the bathroom. He managed to get an arm out to shake Aaron. “Aaron?” He asked, his voice rough.

“Hmm?” Came the mostly asleep reply.

“I think something’s wrong.” He said and Aaron was wide awake, flipping over to look at him. “I don’t feel good.”

Aaron reached out to feel his forehead. “Oh, baby, you’re burning up.” He said, reaching for his cell phone. He called the doctor and left a message for an immediate call back. In less than five minutes his phone was ringing. He was just pulling the thermometer out of Spencer’s mouth.

“Hi, Dr. Levy, it's Aaron Hotchner. Spencer woke up with a fever.” He checked the thermometer and winced. “It’s 102.2.” He read and he heard Spencer groan. “Okay, I’m bringing him right in.” He promised. “Spencer, we need to go to the hospital.”

“So tired.” He moaned. 

“I know, I’ve got you.” He promised. He grabbed a go bag for each of them and then tried to get Spencer up. He was too weak to even stand so Aaron simply picked him up and carried him to the car. “Hold on, baby. It’s going to be okay.” He was shaking. An infection was bad news. Spencer had almost no immune system right now, in fact he wore a mask almost everywhere he went. Aaron was scared for him and called Morgan, to let him know what was happening. He asked Morgan to tell the rest of the team.

He pulled into the ER and carried Spencer inside. He was unconscious now and Aaron was truly panicking. “Help. My...this is Spencer Reid. He has leukemia. He woke up with a high fever and now I can’t wake him up. His doctor is Dr. Levy.” He explained. Someone got a gurney and Aaron laid him on it. “Don’t die, Spence, hold on.” He whispered in his ear as they began to rush him inside.

Dr. Levy was rushing into the ER and saw Aaron. “I’m going to check him over. It’s likely that he has an infection. Hopefully, we caught it early.” He said. Aaron felt completely helpless as doctors, nurses, and techs ran in and out of the room. He barely understood what they were saying and just sat by Spencer’s head, holding his hand and stroking his hot forehead. They got an IV line set up fast and started to give him fluids. They put cooling blankets on him to bring down the fever. They had blood drawn by what looked like the bucketful and people rushed in and out.

Finally, Dr. Levy came in and sat down on the rolling stool. “Okay, we know what’s going on.” He explained to Aaron. Spencer had made Aaron his medical proxy and power of attorney when this all started, so Dr. Levy knew he could discuss this with him. “It looks like he’s got the beginnings of pneumonia. We caught it very early, which is good. I’m going to admit him to the ICU, in Isolation. We want to limit his exposure to other germs as much as possible. I’ve already drawn up antibiotics and once we have him upstairs, we’ll start him on that. We’re also going to give him some medicine to make him more comfortable.” He paused. “Spencer isn’t going to have an easy time of this. Chances are he will not wake up until we have this infection under control. There is a chance we won’t be able to fight the infection. Mr. Hotchner, I need you to understand that while we are going to do everything in our power to help him, Spencer might die.”

Aaron felt numb. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Spencer couldn’t die, he just couldn’t. “I know how close you are and so you will be allowed visitation. You will get ten minutes with him every four hours. You will have to wash your hands thoroughly and don gloves and a gown when you sit with him.” He nodded his understanding. “Is there anyone here with you?” He asked.

“Um, I think our team is here.” He said, pulling out his cellphone and seeing the messages that they were all waiting in the ER.

“They will not be permitted to visit, however they can wait with you in the waiting room. I am very optimistic about Spencer’s chances, Mr. Hotchner. I do not think we will see a worst case scenario, but I want you to be prepared for what that is. While we’re fighting the infection, I’m going to temporarily pause his other treatments. Do you have any questions?” He asked.

“Can I give him a kiss before he goes up?” He asked, his eyes filling with tears.

“On the forehead.” He agreed and left him alone to say a temporary goodbye to Spencer. Aaron stood up and kissed his forehead. 

“I love you, Spencer. I’m sorry I haven’t said it out loud before now. I know that you know and I know that you feel the same. You just focus on getting better. You can do anything you put your mind to, so you tell it to FIGHT this damn infection. I’ll be here with you, okay? I promise. I love you.” He said, leaning down for one more kiss.

Dr. Levy was waiting outside with an orderly and they began to break down the bed to transport him upstairs. A nurse gently guided him to the waiting room where Rossi, Morgan, JJ, Garcia, and Prentiss were waiting. “Hotch?” Morgan asked, his voice quiet.

Aaron broke down in tears. He fell to his knees, sobbing, as they all surrounded him. “What happened? Is...did he…” JJ couldn’t say the words.

“They’re moving him to ICU. Isolation. He has pneumonia. His doctor said he might not make it.” He managed. “I...I’ll be allowed to sit with him for ten minutes every four hours. Other than that, no one is allowed in.” He explained.

“He’s going to make it. He’s going to be fine.” Garcia said, with conviction. 

“I’m...I’m going to call his mom. Spencer made me promise that if anything like this happened, I’d keep her updated.” Morgan said. They all looked around, no one knowing what to do or say. They dealt with death every day, but this was Reid, THEIR Reid. Not some random person who they had no connection with. 

Eventually a nurse came to show them up to the ICU. Hotch explained that while they couldn’t go in, they could wait and they’d be able to see him through the window. They got upstairs and settled into the waiting room. It was several hours later when Dr. Levy came out. He glanced at the group and Aaron nodded. “These are our friends. You can speak freely in front of them.”

“Spencer is currently sedated. We ended up placing him on a ventilator, to allow his lungs to heal. They’re struggling with the infection and we feel that taking that task off them will help. I’ve already started the antibiotics and we will be keeping a very close eye on him. If you want to go in for your first visit you can, however please understand what you are about to see. He has a tube down his throat, he is hooked to several monitors. His port is accessed and he also has several IV’s. I know it looks scary, but he’s in good hands, okay?” He coached.

Aaron nodded and got up to follow Dr. Levy. He was led into a room with a large sink and yellow gowns. “I’m going to show you how to properly wash up to be allowed to visit.” He said and talked Aaron through the steps of sanitizing and disinfecting. Then he showed Aaron how to put on the gown, the cap, and the gloves. The door was sealed but Dr. Levy opened it. Aaron wanted to cry seeing him. He looked so young and so sick. “We believe patients can hear people while they are out, so talk to him. Tell him to get better. I’ll let you have your ten minutes and I’ll be back.” He said, stepping back out of the room.

He sat next to him, taking a frail hand in his own. “Hey Spencer,” He greeted, trying to keep the tears in check. “It’s me, it's Aaron. I know you don’t feel good but I need you to fight it. Just keep fighting so you can come back to me. You’ve been so strong and so brave during all of this. Just keep doing that and you’ll be back with me in no time. Everyone is here, they’re all waiting in the waiting room. They can’t come see you, but they hope you get better soon. Just...please, Spence, don’t leave. I know you can fight this.” He paused. “Morgan called your mom and she’s very worried about you.” He said. He had no idea what he talked about for the next ten minutes, but it felt like no time at all before Dr. Levy was back.

“I’m sorry, time’s up.” He said. He led Aaron back into the sink room and had him toss the gown, gloves and cap and wash his hands again. He glanced backward to see Spencer laying there, letting machines breath for him and closed his eyes and sent up a prayer.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

It had been a week. The longest, worst week of any of their lives. The entire BAU was currently not working, spending their time in the ICU. Aaron refused to leave, so the rest of them were taking turns staying with him. He looked terrible, he hadn’t slept, had barely eaten and hadn’t shaved in a week. It finally took Dr. Levy threatening to take away visiting privileges before he started to take care of himself again. 

Aaron was watching the clock, he had five minutes before he got his ten precious minutes with Spencer. He got up and headed in so he could wash and gown. He barely had to think about it now, it had become so second nature. Once he was ready he headed into the room and sat down on his chair. 

He picked up his hand, rubbing his thumb over the back. “Hey Spence, I’m back. Look, I know how hard this is. I know how hard you’re fighting. I love you, and I always will, but…” He paused, as the tears started to come. “If you need to let go, then you should. I don’t want you to suffer just because you’re holding on for me. If you need to go, then it’s okay. We all love you and we’ll never stop, whether you’re here with us or not. I just want you to be happy.” He said. Suddenly, the hand he was holding squeezed. “Spencer?” He asked, pressing the call button. “Baby, it’s Aaron. I’m right here, you’re doing so good.” He praised.

His eyes opened and looked right at Aaron, before slipping closed again and now he was crying happy tears. The nurse came in and Aaron turned to her. “He squeezed my hand and he opened his eyes!” He exclaimed. Aaron was rushed out and Rossi hurried to him as people began to flood into his room.

“What happened? Is he…” Rossi asked.

“I think he’s waking up!” He said. 

It felt like forever, but eventually Dr. Levy came over to him. By now, the rest of the team was there, waiting with bated breath to hear what was going on. Dr. Levy was smiling. “It looks like he’s out of the woods.” He said and a small cheer went up. “He’s not better yet, but it looks like the infection is gone. We’ve pulled the trach tube and we’re dialing back the sedative. If he does well over the next few hours, we’ll move him to a regular bed in the ICU. I also have even better news.” He said, his smile growing bigger. “We’ve been checking the last two days and there have been no more blasts in his blood cells. It looks like his cancer is in remission.” The cheer that went up this time was loud and suddenly they were all crying and hugging each other. He smiled, unable to reprimand them. “If you’d like to be there while we wake him up, you can. You still need to gown up, but you can be with him.”

“Yes.” Aaron said immediately. “Thank you, thank you so much Dr. Levy.”

“Thank your boy, he’s the one who fought it.” He smiled.

Aaron turned to look at his friends, who were all still smiling and hugging each other, crying happy tears. “Go, Hotch. We’ll be here.” Morgan said and he needed no more encouragement.

He scrubbed and gowned up and went back into the room that he had come to hate. He sat down and picked up his hand again. “I’m here, Spencer.” He said.

It took about a half hour before Spencer stirred. His eyes opened tiredly and he saw Aaron and gave a small smile. Aaron’s heart felt like it was going to burst. “Hello beautiful.” He greeted.

A nurse leaned over. “You’ve had a tube in, so your throat is probably pretty sore and scratchy. Would you like a drink of water?” She asked. He nodded as his throat did feel as if it were on fire. She produced a cup of cold water and held the straw to his lips. It tasted amazing.

“Hap’n?” He managed, before coughing and the nurse held up the water again.

“You got pretty sick.” Aaron told him. “You woke up with a fever and it turned out, you had pneumonia. You’ve been here for a week, fighting the infection.” He said and Spencer closed his eyes, trying to remember.

“Tire…” was all he could manage.

“Go to sleep, I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.” He promised as Spencer slipped back to sleep. He didn’t want him to sleep yet, he wanted to keep staring into those hazel eyes he’d missed so much, but he knew that he needed to sleep to recover. “Hold on, look at your window.” He said and Spencer managed to pull his eyes open.

The team was standing there, in a row, all smiling and waving at him. He managed a smile and barely lifted his arm to wave back. Then, they each held up a piece of paper with a letter on it. It should have read “HELLO” but somehow they had gotten mixed up and Spencer blinked twice as he read “OHELL.” Then Aaron looked up and rolled his eyes as they moved Garcia, with the “O” down to the end. Spencer couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. OHELL, he thought, that’s about right. 

Dr. Levy kept Spencer in Isolation for another day before officially moving him into the ICU. He stayed there for a week as he got his strength back. Dr. Levy shared the information that his cancer was in remission and Spencer cried for the first time since he’d fallen unconscious. Aaron held him tightly, still refusing to leave him alone. He would still need maintenance treatments for a few months, then they would ease him off. He would be coming in monthly for blood work just to make sure it stayed in remission.

They were alone in Spencer’s room, Aaron laying on the bed with him and holding him. “I was so scared.” He admitted to Spencer, in the dark of the night. “They told me you might not make it. They told me to prepare for you to not recover.”

“I did recover.” He said, his voice still gravely. “I’m here, Aaron.”

“I’m so glad. Did you know that Erin Strauss even came and spent time here with us. She’s very worried about you.”

“Wow.” He said. “I wonder how long it’ll be before I can go back to work. I really miss working.” He said. He turned and laid his head on Aaron’s chest. 

“I’m not sure.” He said. “You know, when they told me…” He couldn’t say it again. “I realized something and I was so angry at myself. I realized that I’ve known that I love you for a long time, and I had never told you. I told you every day while you were out, every time I saw you I made sure to tell you that I loved you. But the thought that you could die and have never heard it from me…”

“I heard you.” Spencer said. “I remember hearing you tell me you loved me. I wanted so badly to say it back but I couldn’t get to you.” He explained, then he looked up at Aaron. “I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I never thought I could love someone like this, but I do. And I hope you know that I always have.” 

Aaron leaned down, pressing their lips together in a soft, chaste kiss. “I know.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, sorry guys! I came down with a bug and slept through yesterday and most of today. 
> 
> The OHELL is stolen directly from a Lurlene McDaniel book "The Legacy: Making Wishes Come True".


	11. Chapter 11

It had been a year since Spencer’s cancer had gone into remission. Strauss insisted he take a little more time off to truly recover and get back to healthy before he came back to work. Aaron had pretty much been living with him before and they made it official when Aaron’s lease was up.

When Spencer came back to work, they had Dave take over as Spencer’s acting supervisor so they could continue their relationship. The team was doing amazing and had been solving cases at a rate they never had before. 

Spencer was due for his one year checkup and he was a nervous wreck. His heart was pounding as they drove to the hospital and he silently reached over and took Aaron’s hand. They were sitting in Dr. Levy’s office, holding hands and Spencer was taking deep breaths to calm his nerves. He’d been in remission for a while but there was no guarantee that he would stay there. 

“Hello Spencer, hello Aaron.” He greeted, walking into the room and sitting at his desk. Spencer squeezed tighter and Aaron just let him grip.

“Hello.” He finally managed.

“Okay, we got your blood work and there are no blasts.” He said and they both let out a huge sigh. “This is really good. I think at this point we can remove the port. We can also stop your maintenance treatments. I think we can officially declare you cancer free.” He smiled widely.

Spencer threw his arms around Aaron and they hugged tightly. “Thank you, Dr. Levy.” He said.

“We’re going to want to see you every six months for check ups and of course, if you start not feeling well or see any of the signs of your cancer coming back, please call and get in right away. Congratulations Spencer.” He said. “If you’d like, we can remove your port today. Just like when it was put in, you’ll be sore for a few days, but then you can get on with your life.”

“Yes, please.” He said with a laugh. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it.”

Dr. Levy called down and they had an opening in radiology for the port removal. Even though Spencer was nervous, he was so glad at getting it out and what it meant for him. After they were done and they had gotten in the car, they turned and looked at each other. “You did it.”

“You helped.” Spencer said, then held up a hand to stem the protests. “Honestly, Aaron, I don’t think I would have made it through this without you. I love you so much.” He said. Hotch’s phone rang and it was JJ with a case. Spencer insisted on going, even though he was still sore. He promised not to go into the field and Aaron had relented, as he always would with Spencer.

The case took them to Las Vegas and just like always, they were immediately immersed in the case. Spencer made sure to stay at the precinct, like he had promised. He was sore and glad to not have to put on a vest and run around the city. It took them a couple of days to solve the case, but they finally figured it out and started to wrap up. “I’d like to go see my mom, if that’s okay?” Spencer asked.

“Actually, we’re not flying out until tomorrow night. There’s a bad storm hitting DC so we’re here for at least the next 24 hours.” Hotch told them. “Go, enjoy yourselves. You’ve earned it.” He gave them a rare smile. “Would it be okay if I came with you?” He asked Spencer.

“I was hoping you would. My mom has wanted to meet you for a while.” He said. They went back to the hotel to change their clothes into something a little more casual and then headed to Bennington. Dr. Norman was thrilled to see Spencer and let him know that Diana was having a good day. He let Spencer find his mom and he approached her. “Uh, hey mom.” He said and she turned around.

“Spencer?!” She asked, surprised.

“Yeah, we had a case in Vegas, so I came by to say hello.”

“Well, come give your mother a hug.” She demanded and he smiled fondly at her, before approaching her to hug her. That was when she spotted Hotch. “Who’s the government thug?” She asked, frowning.

“He’s not a government thug, mom. This is Aaron. Aaron Hotchner, you remember I’ve told you about him?” He said.

“Your partner.” She said, after a moment of thinking. Aaron stepped up and offered his hand to shake. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Reid.”

“Please, if you’re having sex with my son, you can call me Diana.” She said and both Reid and Hotch turned red, Reid even choking slightly. She laughed at them. 

“Diana.” He agreed, taking a seat.

“Spencer said that you were with him for every treatment and appointment that he had.” She said.

“Not quite every one, but…” He started, before Spencer cut him off.

“Don’t let him fool you, mom. He never left my side.” Spencer looked at him with love and adoration and Hotch felt himself blush.

“Thank you.” She said, her voice sincere. “It was hard not being able to be there for him. A mom should be with her baby when they’re sick. Even if they’re all grown up. I’m glad someone was able to be there with him.”

“It was my honor.” He said. They spent a few hours visiting and finally around dinner time, they got up to leave. Aaron glanced at Spencer. “Can I have just a minute with your mom?” He asked. Spencer looked surprised, but nodded. He leaned down to kiss his mother’s cheek and told her that he loved her. They exchanged a hug and he headed to the front.

“How can I help you, Aaron?” She asked.

“I wanted to ask you something.” He said, straightening up. “I want to ask your permission to ask Spencer to marry me.” He said. “I love your son. I don’t ever want to spend a day without him and I really want to marry him.”

Diana lit up and in a moment, she looked so young. “You absolutely have my permission to ask him to marry you. He has told me everything. Your fights, your dates, his sickness, everything. Spencer has never kept anything from me and I know that you are a good person and I know that you love each other very much. You’re a good man and I hope you’ll take good care of my son.”

“Always.” He promised.

“Good.” She smiled and he leaned down to give her a hug as well. Before he got back to Spencer, he texted the rest of the BAU. “Project P is on”

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

They were back in the hotel and Aaron casually looked at his phone. “Hey, Rossi got reservations for the team at the Eiffel Tower Restaurant.” He said and Spencer looked up.

“Wow, that’s fancy.” He said. “I’d ask how, but I know Rossi - he’s got his ways.” He laughed and Aaron tried to match his laugh. “Okay, well, let me take a shower and get dressed. I guess I need something fancier than this.” He pulled on his rumpled sweater. “You can shower after me.” He said.

They both showered and put on their nicest suits and Hotch did his best not to appear nervous in any way. He made sure the ring was tucked into his pocket and spritzed on some cologne. It was Spencer’s favorite. He checked his reflection one last time and headed to the door. They grabbed a cab and were dropped off where the rest of the BAU were already waiting for them.

“Why the fancy meal, Rossi?” Spencer asked and everyone had to look away from each other to stop the smiles. 

“Just thought it would be fun.” The older man said. “Never been here before. Plus, you know, you are officially cancer free. We should celebrate.”

Spencer smiled fondly at him. “That’s very kind of you.” He said. They all piled into the elevator and Morgan surreptitiously patted Hotch on the back in support. They were escorted in and to a table. “Wow.” He said, looking around. “You can see everything from here, can’t you?”

“You like it?” Hotch asked, pulling out Spencer’s seat and making him grin and blush.

“I love it.” He agreed. They didn’t even have to order, as Rossi had already placed orders before they got there. Once they had eaten, Rossi insisted on dessert. He also had champagne brought to the table and Hotch honestly thought he was going to have a heart attack and die of nerves.

The champagne was poured and Spencer started to hold his glass up to cheers, when Hotch gently pulled his arm down. “Let me?” He asked, taking a breath. Spencer nodded. “Spencer Reid, you changed my life the minute you walked into it. You were barely twenty one and you’d been fast tracked into the BAU. I wasn’t sure you’d be ready, but you were. You fit into the team seamlessly and began to tackle things I could have never done at your age. Your brilliance saved so many lives and continues to do so. You are an asset to the team.” He took another breath. “I don’t know when I started to fall for you. I don’t know when your crazy long rants became endearing as opposed to annoying.”

“Hey!” He protested, but he had a smile on his face.

“I don’t know when I started looking at you and seeing someone I cared more about than just as a teammate. I remember the day you walked into my office and told me that you had cancer. I felt like my heart had been ripped out, but I wanted to be brave for you. It turns out, that’s something else you taught me. You taught me what real bravery is. It’s not holding a gun, or chasing down unsubs. It’s knowing what chemo does and still going in for every treatment. It’s being in pain and exhausted and still fighting. It’s spending a week in a coma and waking up to see ‘OHELL’.” Everyone laughed then, though all the girls were in tears, and Spencer was dangerously close. “I fell more and more in love with you every single day. And after you got out of the hospital and started to recover, I knew for certain that I would never stop loving you.” He paused to collect himself. “Right before you woke up, I came in and I told you that if you needed to let you, you could. That I would never stop loving you, even if you couldn’t stay alive any longer. That will always be true, Spencer. I will love you forever. Nothing will ever stop me from loving you. And so, Spencer Reid.” He sunk to his knee and Spencer’s eyes got so wide it looked like they were about to pop out of his head. “Will you marry me?” He asked, pulling out the box and opening it.

It took a second for Reid’s brain to catch up, but he flung himself out of his chair and into Aaron’s arms, knocking him over. “Yes!” He cried, kissing him hard ignoring the people staring at them basically making out on the floor of the restaurant. “Yes, Aaron, I will marry you!” He said.

They dimly realized there was applause, not only from their own table but from the table’s around them. Aaron slipped the ring onto his finger. “I love you, so much.” Spencer said, as they both got off the floor, dusting themselves off. “Do you think we can call my mom?” He asked. 

“She already knows.” Aaron grinned at him. “I asked her permission this afternoon.”

Spencer’s eyes all but melted. “You asked her permission?” He said. “That’s...that’s one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever done for me.” He said. 

“I love you.” Aaron said, again, leaning in for another kiss.

“Well, let’s see the ring!” JJ said, when they’d broken apart. Spencer proudly held his hand out for them to inspect, then suddenly realized something.

“You all knew about this!” He said and they all laughed.

“Yes, we all knew.” Emily told him.

“Aaron?” Spencer asked, turning to him. “I think we both want to plan a wedding and have our family and friends...but…” He said, trailing off.

“But what?” He asked, curiously.

“Do you think we could have a ceremony here, tomorrow, so my mom could be there? Just us.” He indicated the table. “Then, when we get home we can plan an actual wedding?”

“We can do whatever you want.” Aaron said, leaning in to kiss him again. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more until the end!
> 
> I have a few other stories I'm working on, but I'd love to hear your ideas...what would you guys like to see? Feel free to leave a comment or check me out at Tumblr (bmack7).


	13. Chapter 13

Spencer went with JJ and Emily shopping the next day, while Hotch went with Morgan and Rossi. They both bought suits and Spencer bought Aaron a ring. He ended up taking his off and giving it back, so they could exchange it at the ceremony. The girls each bought a new dress and they found a nice (non-tacky) chapel that was able to accommodate them. They also went to Bennington and Dr. Norman agreed to let Diana come, as long as a nurse accompanied her. The girls bought her a nice dress, too. 

Hotch bought them both boutineers and they all met at the chapel at six o’clock. They decided that for this ceremony, no would stand up with them. Everyone came in and got seated, including Diana who was thankfully lucid and looked so proud. Aaron and Spencer came in from opposite sides, both grinning widely when they saw each other. They came together, joining hands and the minister began to talk. It was very traditional and they repeated vows and exchanged rings. “So, by the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you husbands. You may kiss your spouse.” He said. They smiled and leaned in and kissed, grinning when their friends began to hoot and holler. 

“Spencer, Aaron, thank you for doing this.” Diana’s nurse said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy.”

“Mom,” Spencer said, waving her over. 

“My little boy is married.” She said and he blushed and ducked his head. “I’m really very happy for you Spencer. It’s obvious how much you and your Aaron love each other.”

“We’re so glad you could be here.” Aaron said, sincerely and she smiled.

“Thank you for making it happen. Thank you for loving my boy.”

“It is all my pleasure.” He promised. They celebrated with sparkling grape juice and a very small wedding cake the venue provided. It didn’t last long and Spencer was misty when his mom had to go. 

“It meant a lot to me that you were here, mom.” He said.

“It meant a lot that you wanted me here.” She said. “I know I haven’t always been the best mom.”

“You have ALWAYS been the best mom.” He insisted. “And I will always love you.”

“You take good care of that boy, okay?” She asked, pulling him in for a hug. 

“I promise.” He said. Aaron hugged her goodbye too and the nurse brought her out to the car. The BAU waved goodbye as she left and Spencer had to fight tears. “I don’t think I could have asked for a better day.” He said to Aaron. “I got married and my mom was here to see it. I didn’t think that would ever happen. Thank you for making it happen.” 

“I love you Spencer Hotchner.”

“I love you Aaron Reid.” They both laughed. They’d talked about taking each other’s names and had decided that they didn’t know what they wanted yet. So they’d been teasing each other all day. 

“I managed to delay us one more day, but the plane leaves tomorrow morning at ten.” Rossi said. “I upgraded you two to a honeymoon suite. Go, have fun.” He encouraged.

They bid their friends goodbye and were ushered into a waiting limo (also courtesy of Rossi). There was champagne and chocolate covered strawberries, which they fed to each other as they were taken to their hotel. Or rather, their new hotel. Rossi had really gone all out. They felt like teenagers as they chased each other into the hotel and up to the elevator. They kissed and laughed and stumbled out of the elevator and into the suite. It was gorgeous but they paid it almost no mind as they began to tear each other’s clothes off. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Thank you guys for coming on this journey with me! Again, I'd love to hear ideas/prompts for stories you guys would like to see. I'm working on a few other things, so I'll be posting when I finish them!


End file.
